Abandoning a Mandy (or) Mastering the Art of Loss.

Today is starting off as a rough day.  I thought I had everything under control, until I got out of bed this morning.  I guess it’s just time for a good emotional breakdown maybe?  I haven’t had one of those in awhile.  Mostly I blame the fact that I’ve had few emotions to break down from.  Recently I’ve been avoiding the fact that the guy I really liked just stopped talking to me.

I’m not good with not knowing why, at first, I gave him space and waited.  He had things to deal with, which I totally understand so I didn’t push it.  Having still not heard from him after a week or more, I told my brain “Suck it up…” and I accepted it.   I sent him one more, “Miss you, take care, talk soon messages.” and that was the final one.

I don’t want to be seen as the crazy-stalker girl that “doesn’t get the hint”.    I just wish I knew that if I did do something off or wrong, what that thing was.  I assumed everything was okay between us, then things got weird.  I get that he is leaving at the end of the month *(I’m also the moron that didn’t ask if he was coming back, cause I was afraid of the finality of the answer… How’s this for final??? Never finding out what happened, that’s sooo much better…😦 Boo me!)

I’d always assumed that he would be leaving in March, but I guess I figured that we’d chill out up til then.  I’ve thought maybe he fell for me and didn’t wanna face having to leave *(That’s the good one), I thought maybe I said or did something stupid when I was drinking the last weekend we were hanging out, hence the cutting off ties. *(That’s the bad one).  I also thought that maybe he’s just a guy, with differing emotions than women have *(That’s the ugly truth one).   Part of me hopes that he’ll call or text randomly soon.  I’m not holding out for it, but you never know.

I was all good with everything, until this morning… this morning my brain decides to say, “It’s not fair.” and began to wonder why again or why he just never said “It’s over…”  then cue waking up in tears, from a dreamless night and good morning! emotional breakdown, which leads me to here…  Maybe I am being stupid, maybe I am crazy, okay so I am crazy, however…  I just hate not knowing.

I’ll get over it, I always do…  Probably sometime today, that’s one good thing about having a terrible memory… Sometimes people just vanish from my memory bank.  He probably won’t though, he was one of the good ones.  It sucks, but I’ll deal,  my heart just doesn’t understand why people have to leave sometimes.  Again, I’ll get over it…

~M~

2 comments

  1. Diane

    awww I see a lot of me in you… the way you think in this blg I was once there believe it or not… then I thought to myself if it wasmeant to be it would be but I had to realise that I didnt get everything I wanted in life. ;( for me ..
    To cry is good if you choose too, to get that heartache feeling away faster.. Good luck and Im thinking about you atthis time…Love you lots too oxoxo😉

  2. Brad

    Hmmm,
    I just learned something new today. I just
    assumed this only happens to guys… I know
    EXACTLY how that feels, and have split
    thoughts.
    1: sucks to have it happen & never know why.
    2: relieved that it’s not just me.

    8-P

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