Birthday Shenanigans In The Great White North

So I just turned 34 on Boxing Day or December 26th for the non-Canadians.  Having travelled home to see the family for the holidays, I ended up going out in Timmins to celebrate.  It definitely hasn’t changed much…

Step One:  Get drunk.

That part was easy.  Pre-drinking at mom and dad’s while we play cards, then head over to a friends’ place for a few more.  Walk to the bar, walk up to the bar, order a beer and then my body does the rest. 😉

Step Two:  Get Involved In a Fight.

Oh, no worries about me, I’m totally fine. I dodged out of the first fight at first cause of my weak knee.  I’m standing at the bar waiting for service, when a girl and a guy (obviously exes) start bickering behind me.  I love a good ex-fight, so I watch.  Not sure how or why, but the big juice-monkey that was with the girl, steps up and punches the guy.   *(He was like uber-big… 260 lbs of solid crap I’m sure)  Somehow, the ex-guy’s father gets involved.  I run down the stairs, not wanting to be THAT involved, as more pushing and shoving starts…  Juice-Monkey nails the father, he goes down but gets up immediately.  (Props to the old guy!)  He gets back into the mix, Juice-Monkey clocks him dead in the face, the old man fell down four stairs to where I was.  He tries to get up, he stumbles,  finally he stands and to my utter amazement he decided to try to walk up the stairs back to the melee.  I grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him aside cause he was totally incoherent and unable to focus. I held him back and tried to keep him from getting involved again.  Security finally makes it, I’m not sure why it took so freaking long, but it is Timmins…  Security breaks up the fight, I let the old man go back to his son and J-M is nowhere to be seen.  I find out after that he’s unfortunately still around, as he shows up at the bar where I’m standing, dunking his bleeding hand in his pitcher of green-drink.  Classy as he is, he shakes his hand everywhere, spraying all of us in diluted blood and liquor.  F*cking gross.  I get my drinks and walk the hell away before I get some blood-borne communicable disease that I’m sure he’s carrying and head back to the pool table with my brother. Thankfully at sometime throughout the evening J-M leaves or is removed or went to find some other poor sap to unleash on with the steroidal rage he carries.

I, continue drinking 😀

Step Three: Make Plans For After.

I’m not going highly into detail on this one, but it was my birthday and I didn’t want to sleep alone. 😛

Step Four:  Get Into A Fight With A Girl In A Hotel Lobby.

One the way to my “After Bar Plans”, I ended up in another altercation, this one being totally my fault.  Well, due to my instigation I’m sure.  I walked into the hotel just up the street from the bar.  There was a girl and a guy at the front desk, the girl was losing it on the front desk clerk.  We, (I told you I don’t like sleeping alone) stepped behind the couple and waited.  The girl was HAMMERED and she was being really belligerent to the poor lady at the cash.  She was also stopping me from getting my hotel room, on my birthday, that made me a tad pissy.  Didn’t help that I was hammered as well.  I take my credit card and license out of my purse and step up to the desk, loudly announcing that I would like a hotel room please, with a big shit-eating grin to both the clerk and the couple.  Drunk Girl doesn’t like to be interrupted mid-freak0ut apparently.  Whatever, the clerk looks happy that I stepped in.   The drunk girl loses her mind,  I said “Look you’re being a cunt and a bitch.”  She said “WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?”  I repeat myself, not losing ground, “I said you were a Cunt and a Bitch”  “WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?”  “C-U-N-T Cunt and B-I-T-C-H bitch.”  (Just incase she wasn’t hearing what I was saying and cause I’m an ass that way sometimes.)  Anyways, Drunk Girl swings at me.  HA!  First strike equals fair game.  So I stepped up. A little back and forth, shove here, shove there.  I’m not going to pound her,  she’s like 100 lbs soaking wet, hammered and wearing bar-star clothing.  (Although that is the kinda of girl that I’d totally love to beat the snot out of, I’m so not a fighter.)  Her boyfriend finally stepped in and kinda kept her away from me.  Me being the awesome person I am, I just keep lipping off.  The girl at the counter thought I was hilarious. She was on the phone with the cops about the girl while we were fighting.  Drunk Girl and her boyfriend were partying or something in a room and the hotel was kicking them out.  I freaked out a little cause I thought I’d have to talk to cops, but it was all good.  Drunk Girl finally leaves, her boyfriend probably either got through to her, or she just got bored of being a stunned cunt.  Finally, I get my hotel room.

So yeah… Welcome to Timmins, Ontario and Happy Birthday to me!!!

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